I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize