i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
