i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
