She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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