I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
