Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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