There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this beer tastes like vomit already
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
