what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
