Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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