Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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