On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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