He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
