The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
