I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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