i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
