I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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