Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
