How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
where am i from again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
