My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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