Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
