he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
