Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
