I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
