you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
