I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
