HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
