Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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