So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He felt like a one man threesome
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
