sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
