Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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