Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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