Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The uberlube is also flammable
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
