between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
