Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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