Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
