it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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