can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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