Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
