stop calling my apartment porn island.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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