Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
