Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
