omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
