you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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