just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
