I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
