Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it glows. i had to have it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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