its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
