Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
