did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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