Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Randomize
