i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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