NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
