So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
