so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
