so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
