I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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