a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
