dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
