Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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