i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
