I got chris browned last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
