She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He did a backflip because drugs
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