You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
