So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
