Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
