Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
