So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize