Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
