I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My bed smells like the plague
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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