S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
