I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
