walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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