so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
