i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
