I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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