Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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