I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
